Survivor Kit > Self Care

Many people experience feelings of loss after a sexual assault: loss of your safety, loss of your body integrity, loss of dignity, and threatened loss of your life. Talking to someone you trust about these feelings is often helpful in healing from the assault.

Some other ideas for taking care of yourself:

• Take steps to insure your personal safety.
• Grieve the loss by allowing yourself to cry.
• Be gentle and nurturing to yourself.
• Remember how you've gotten throught difficult times and use those strategies.
• Learn and practice relaxation.
• Seek counseling for yourself.
• Get extra rest.
• Avoid self-blame.
• Physical activity can help.
• Get all the information you can about sexual assault, the court system, how trials go, or any other information.
• Warm milk, herbal teas, and other warm drinks may be calming.
• Remind yourself that your feelings are nbormal and you will heal from this trauma.
• Join a a support group.
• Remember alcohol and drugs only postpone your feelings and don't help healing.
• Express your anger in non-hurtful ways.
• Take a self-defense class.
• Take a hot bath for relaxation.
• Give yourself time to heal.
• Don't push yourself to do anything until you're ready.
• Remember the Trauma Recovery and Rape Treatment Center is available to help you.

These are common and normal responses to trauma. As someone who has survived a traumatic event, you will likely experience some of these symptoms as you heal from the assault over time.


(To print a full copy of our guide, use the link below)

Sometimes it is hard to know how to and when to talk about something as painful and emotional as rape with someone you care about. It is normal to not know what to say. How you respond to someone who has survived a sexual assault makes a big difference in how well they recover. The following is a summary of our Guide, highlighting some important facts that will help you support your loved one.

• Anyone can be a victim of a sexual assault.
• Rape and sexual assault are crimes of violence not passion or sex.
• Rape and sexual assault by definition are non-consensual, meaning that the victim did not agree to have sex; they were coerced or forced to. Rape is never the fault of the victim. It is painful and humiliating. No one ever enjoys being raped.
• Rape and sexual assault are not provoked by the victim.
• People are more likely to be raped by someone they know than by a stranger.
• Rape is a felony.
• Police action can be very stressful and/or helpful. It is the survivor’s choice whether to take police action or not.

Take a look at our link “How you may feel after a Trauma” to understand common and normal reactions to being assaulted.

As a loved one of a survivor, you might also have some emotional reactions, such as:

• Shock
• Confused about your feelings
• Frustration
• Helplessness
• Feeling guilty that you couldn’t protect her/him.
• Anger at the survivor or the assailant.
• Wanting to take out revenge on the assailant.
• Sad
• Ashamed
• Feeling very protective of the survivor
• Disbelief: How could this have happened?
• Fear for the survivor and for yourself

Try to be aware of your own feelings. You may be too overwhelmed at this time to be as helpful as you would like to be. Your loved one might be more worried about you and your reactions to the assault right now than she/he is about her/himself. S/he may be worried about burdening you. This worry, however, takes the focus away from the victim and from getting the support that s/he needs right now.



Here are some ways that you can support your loved one at this time:

• Believe her/him.
• Encourage her/him to talk to whomever she/he chooses.
• Be a comforting presence.
• Help her/him take care of basic needs, such as eating and rest.
• Help to ensure safety.
• Be a sensitive listener.
• Express your concern, caring, and love for her/him; continue to show affection.
• Don’t push her/him for details.
• Be unconditionally supportive.
• Allow the survivor to make her/his own choices.
• Understand that she/he might not want to be touched or have physical contact.
• Take care of yourself.
• Call the Trauma Recovery Center at 415-437-3000.

Here are some things that you shouldn’t do:

• Don’t take it personally if she/he is upset with you or doesn’t want to talk with you.
• Don’t overprotect her/him.
• Don’t make decisions for her/him, especially about legal action.
• Don’t pressure her/him to do anything such as report to the police or to be physically intimate with you.
• Don’t tell her/him that you understand exactly how they feel. You probably don’t, even if you are a survivor too.

The normal reactions to sexual assault change over time once the initial shock has worn off. Our Guide has a lot of important information that will help you and your loved one get through this difficult period. Please feel free to print it out and use it.


"Sexual Assault:
A Guide for Families and Loved Ones of Survivors"

• WORD DOCUMENT | DOC


• ADOBE ACROBAD | PDF
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